Gerrold. Gerrold was an elderly man who was never into the whole coffee “thing”, but decided today he would tear himself away from his melon collection and try this new wave trend out. Gerrold had heard of coffee shops popping … Continue reading →
I was inspired by something that happened in the coffee shop the other day, hence the story. Part II is on its way so …
I’ve been an innocent bystander for a multitude of interactions. Last one I was involved in though was just the other day, and easily the most memorable. I was sitting in a coffee shop minding my own scone, when all … Continue reading →
The following is a post I wrote on Craigslist when trying to sell my Ottoman. To clarify, it wasn’t made from real leather. I had no problem telling the person who wanted to buy the ottoman this fact, except for one thing; the man who purchased this ottoman showed up an hour and a half later than he had said. And the kicker, the real reason why I had no qualms with lying about the genuiness of this piece of furniture was that he never once mentioned the hilarity of this well written piece of literature. Screw that guy. If you want, I would appreciate a vote for the best of craigslist (Shameless). I hope YOU enjoy:
This is an actual leather ottoman. I don’t know how many cows gave their lives for this ottoman, but all I know is that they willingly did Give their lives.
By purchasing this ottoman you will be supporting the Under The Treaty Extricating Real Skin foundation. Est. in 2009 U.T.T.E.R.S. aims to give Cows the voice they deserve when it comes to their hides.
Whose to say that some buck-toothed hill person has the where-with-all to know what a cow is thinking or even if a particular cow wants their hide to go to an ottoman or the front seat of a KIA Sorento.
Top DeVry institute scientists who work for U.T.T.E.R.S. have developed a system that once and for all has taken the guess work out of the decision making process of Cow hide donations. They work closely with volunteer slaughter houses to ask the cows right before they willingly give up their lives, where they would like to donate their skin to. Each hide is marked, stripped of all excess parts, and processed accordingly to the cows wishes.
So come pick up this beautiful ottoman today and be apart of a beautiful movement.
Dimensions: 48″ x 31″ x 17″
*U.T.T.E.R.S. may or may not approve this message. Don’t try googling the foundation as they are too poor to afford a website. All proceeds from the sale of this ottoman will go towards the advancement of the current 3% success rate of U.T.T.E.R.S. cow speak program.
…an artisan of alliteration, a wizard with words which work together and flow freely together to make something sound unforced yet borderline boisterous.
Didn’t eat my usual Wheaties and Google juice this morning. Mistake maybe, educational YES.
